Expectations vs. Reality: Nobody Told Me This Part of Motherhood
So, a fellow mama popped up on my social media feed the other day. Y’all—she was crying. Not the “mascara-running, bad-day-at-work” kind of crying. The real kind. The “I’m lonely, I feel like I’m failing, and I’m not enjoying motherhood the way I thought I would” kind.
Now, I didn’t know her personally, but I stopped scrolling and dove into the comments to let her know she was heard. Because even when you feel lonely, you are not alone.
But y’all… the comments.
I couldn’t believe it.
There were people telling her, “Grow up—you’re a mom. You knew what you were getting into.”
Excuse me? No ma’am.
Here’s this woman—clearly at a low point—finally being brave enough to speak up. And the internet greets her with judgment instead of compassion. That’s not the mama village I believe in.
So, can we talk for a minute about expectations vs. reality when it comes to parenting?
Because no matter how long you and your partner talked about “being ready,” or how many Pinterest boards you made, or how many months (or years) you spent trying to get pregnant… nothing—and I mean nothing—truly prepares you for this.
Sure, people warn you about the diapers, the sleepless nights, the constant crying (from the baby and you). But nobody tells you about the rest—the invisible stuff that hits like a Mac truck.
1️⃣ Freedom… What’s That Again?
Even after seven years, this one still stings. I have lost all freedom.
Freedom to leave the house, take a shower, sit down for more than five minutes, make a phone call, or even go to the doctor—all require strategic coordination worthy of a NASA launch.
Before I go anywhere, I’m checking my husband’s schedule, the school calendar, after-school activities, and the six babysitters we trust.
I once had to wait to drive myself to the ER—with kidney stones—until my husband finished work so he could stay home with the kids.
And don’t even get me started on the time I was pregnant with Jenna, barely 2 years into motherhood with Jessica, and my OB sent me straight to the hospital for high blood pressure. I had to go home and wait four hours until someone could watch Jessica before I could drive myself back.
Meanwhile, my husband strolls downstairs one afternoon and says, “One of my meetings got canceled—I’m going to the gym.”
The gym.
Y’all, I saw red.
He travels for work, sleeps through the night, eats real meals in restaurants, and wears clean, wrinkle-free clothes. And here I am, eating leftover chicken nuggets, covered in Goldfish crumbs, refereeing toddler meltdowns like it’s my full-time job (because it is).
2️⃣ The Loneliness No One Talks About
When I got pregnant, my friends disappeared faster than my hot coffee does in the morning.
Most of them had kids in their twenties, and by the time I hit 30 weeks pregnant, it was like they’d entered the witness protection program. No calls. No texts. Gone.
And I’m an introvert, but good grief—there are days I don’t see or talk to another adult human being.
My husband gets home from work and zones out on his phone. My kids pile on top of me to watch Bluey. I am now… furniture.
I’m there, just… there.
But Then There’s This… ❤️
Even on the hardest days, my girls—these funny, beautiful, headstrong little humans—fill my heart completely.
They drive me to the brink, then turn around and make me laugh so hard I forget what I was mad about. My heart has grown two sizes since becoming their mama. If I didn’t love them so deeply, none of this would be so hard.
So to the mama who feels alone tonight, or who’s scrolling at 2 a.m. wondering if anyone else feels this way—I see you.
You are important. You are not invisible. You are doing the most meaningful (and exhausting) work there is.
Some days we crush it, and some days we just survive until bedtime—and both count as wins in my book.
So, let’s promise to be kind to each other—and maybe even more importantly, kind to ourselves. 💕
If you need a friend, my inbox is open. You can reach me at info@PlanIt.Mom, or come say hi on TikTok, Facebook, or Instagram.
Love y’all,
Jamie
